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RESOURCE GUIDE
THE WHO'S IT'S AND WHAT'S IT I TELL YOU ABOUT
Resources for Clients
Books!: I tend to recommend these titles to my clients most:
The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures by Janet W. Hardy
The Essential Enneagram: The definitive Personality Test and Self-Discovery Guide by David Daniels
Intuitive Eating, 3rd Edition by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch
Revolution of the Soul by Seane Corn
Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers by Robert M. Sapolsky
Women Who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype by Clarissa Pinkola Estes
You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero
Clothes!: Having the right look can be an important part of building up your self esteem, confidence, and identity. You deserve to feel as comfortable as possible in your clothing AND to have access to free and less expensive options to dress your best. Whether you're playing with your gender presentation or revamping your closet as you prepare to transition full time, here are some great articles and resources that others have found helpful in their process:
https://www.them.us/story/thrift-shopping-trans-womanhood
https://transguys.com/style/trans-clothing-exchanges
Ready to try out a binder?
Try out this local site: https://tomboyx.com/
PRIDE HAPPENED: Despite the global pandemic and it's intricate challenges, 2022 Pride's STILL happened all over the county, the state, the world! Many were even back in person!
Here are some links to the regular prides that occur annually.
Olympia:
https://www.capitalcitypride.net/welcome
Seattle:
Tacoma:
Bellingham:
http://www.bellinghampride.org/
Kitsap County:
Quotes I Live and Teach By
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce. -Tony Gaskins
One thing we know for certain is that chasing meaning is better for your health than trying to avoid discomfort. And So I would say that’s really the best way to make decisions: is go after what it is that makes meaning in your life and then trust yourself to handle the stress that follows. -Kelly McGonigal
Creating and Sharing Your Story
Writing Prompts
The majority of my clients self identify as artists. Of those, many like to have writing prompts at hand for self exploration, discovery, reflection, and even fun. Here's a list of writing prompts to use when you're journaling:
The last words of your novel are, “As night became day, he started to understand the truth.” Now, go write the rest.
Two friends have a disagreement.
Outside the window, you see something you can’t believe.
Write about the first time you held someone's hand.
Write about the last thing/person that made you smile.
Write about a time you were lost.
Write a letter to your teenaged self.
Write about why you write.
Five years from now, I will be…
Write about your biggest goal.
Write about your biggest fear.
A conversation you and a stranger have on a plane.
Tell the story that inspired the last song you listened to.
Write about a piece of furniture in the room you’re in.
If I knew then what I know now.
If you could travel back in time, where would you go?
You have a billion dollars in your bank account. How did you make it? How do you spend it?
You’ve discovered a new planet. Describe what you see.
You live on an abandoned island, describe your morning routine.
You’re in a foreign country and don’t speak the native language.
Describe how you think your grandparents met.
Write about a time you failed.
It dangled there precariously.
You’re a dog; describe your interaction with a human.
Write about someone you admire.
Write about a time you were uncomfortable.
An island rose from the sea.
Out of the ashes, arose a hero.
The whales grew feet.
I open the last book on earth.
You knock louder and louder on the door, but nobody answers.
The door you had locked, is wide open.
Just as you fall asleep, the phone rings.
She said her final words and left, there’s no turning back now.
You have the power to stop time, what do you do?
The sun rose for the final time.
It’s June 13th. The snow won’t stop falling.
What I didn’t know at the time, was…
That’s the thing about peanut butter.
I don’t know why I said it, but I did.
Then, out of nowhere…
It’s a cycle.
I moved that year.
Let me tell you about the time…
And just like that, it broke.
I knew that sound.
Write a story about why someone is thirsty.
Describe your favorite pet or animal in great detail.
Looking back, I don’t know how I did it.
Next time, things will be different.
Resources for other MHP's
Being a Woke Provider
I love meeting other mental health professionals and consulting about ways we build our business and help our communities. One of the most important things to me as a provider is to be aware of my own privilege, biases, perspectives as a minority, and self of the therapist. Here are the works that have been most influential to me as a therapist, and that I recommend to my colleagues.
Beyond Inclusion, Beyond Empowerment: A Developmental Strategy to Liberate Everyone by Leticia Nieto
The Body Remembers: The Psychophysiology of Trauma and Trauma Treatment by Babette Rothschild
Care of the Soul: A Guide for cultivating Depth and Sacredness in Everyday Life by Thomas Moore
A Clinician's Guide to Gender-Affirming Care: Working wit Transgender and Gender Nonconforming Clients by Chang, Singh, and dickey
The Essential Enneagram: The definitive Personality Test and Self-Discovery Guide by David Daniels
I'm also now a part of some local groups of therapists who are looking to effect change in our industry, in our political and policing systems, and absolutely, within ourselves and our relationships. If you're looking to join a group of therapists actively working towards change, let me know! I'd be happy to share more information as well as talk about the unique challenges you might be facing in your practice given current political climate, global pandemics, and human rights movements.
Resources For Parents and Family
So your kid is part of the rainbow...
Welcome to our very colorful family!
You may be visiting my page as an ally for someone in your life who is seeking treatment. Firstly, thank you! Thank you for caring about their needs, their struggle, and their experiences. It can be daunting to even begin looking for a therapist. This is especially true if your person feels like they already don't have a safe space in the world to be themselves- how can they find that with a stranger?! Thank you for taking the time to investigate who might be a good fit and for being open to finding education yourself to make sure you're showing up for them as an ally, a loved one, and just a kind human being.
If you're feeling overwhelmed being dropped into LGBTQ+ culture, you're not alone! There's a lot to learn and these gosh darn kids are so smart, they keep making up new words to describe themselves, the world around them, and their relationships. With so much to learn, and new information being delivered every day, you might feel like you're reeling with information. Or even experiencing culture shock with realizing there's a whole world out there that you didn't really understand. Sure, you knew it existed; but the complexities with minorities statuses and identity can be hard to articulate and even harder to understand, especially in your first few months of exposure. That's okay; it will take time, and I believe in your ability to keep working at it.
Here's a few tips and resources that might help out you and your family along the way. Feel free to share them with everyone in your life that you think would enjoy the information, education, or could benefit in some way.
How to ask questions:
It's okay to ask questions, as long as you're really listening to understand the answer. Something that can help is prefacing questions to people in the community with statements like: "I have a question for you, but I realize it's personal and you don't have to answer" or "I realize you don't represent everyone who identifies the way you do, but I do have a question that I wonder if I could ask?" Basically, ask consent and let them know that you realize the personal nature of the question, with permission to decline. In therapy, I tell my clients that there's no such thing as a stupid question, but as a queer person, let me tell you, there is such a thing as a very hurtful one. We know you'll have questions, and, it does get tiring to have to educate people around us. Please be aware of that when you ask something of someone in the community and try to avoid asking them to speak for "all" queers or trans folks. We are not representatives of the whole of the community and our opinion, beliefs, experiences, or needs won't represent everyone, because we are a seriously diverse group of humans. Try not to make generalizations about us, and try not to ask us to make them either.
Alphabet Soup
Sometimes people will refer to the LGBTQ+ community as an alphabet soup, because there are so many letters. It's funny, but it's also not. The reason there's so many letters is because we want to include each other and make room for one another's identity in a world that doesn't always do the same for us. When necessary, folks will shorthand it to LGBT, LGBTQ, or LGBTQ+ because it's not always practical to include every letter. That being said, every letter represents very real people whose identities are an important part of who they are, and being left out never feels good. Thus the + sign at the end of LGBTQ+, to honor their presence. Let's take a moment to go through the letters and help you get used to some of the terms you'll be coming across.*
L: Lesbian: a female identified person who is romantically attracted to other female identified people.
G: Gay: a male identified person who is romantically attracted to other male identified people.
B: Bisexual aka Bi: a person who is attracted to people who identify as male or female.
T: Transgender aka Trans: a person who identifies as a gender other than the one they were assigned at birth.
Q: Queer: an overarching term folks will use to acknowledge they have a sexuality that isn't straight (heterosexual), but that doesn't limit them to defining their sexuality as one way of being.
Q: Questioning: a person who is questioning their sexuality and/or gender identity and may not be comfortable identifying only as one of these other labels.
I: Intersex: a person who is naturally born with anatomical differences, often having "sexual characteristics" of more than one gender that may or may not be visible before and/or after puberty.
A: Asexual aka Ace: a person who does not or very seldom feels sexual attraction.
A: Allies: folks who support people in the LBTQQIAAP2S community and work to accept, understand, and support those within it.
P: Pansexual: a person who is attracted to many or all genders, not just those who identify as cisgendered*.
2S: Two Spirit aka 2S: a person of American Indian or First Nations culture who embodies both male and female spirits within them.
Other Terms to Know:
There are many terms that it's helpful to understand when learning about your or other people's identities, relationships, and overall culture. Here are a few more that aren't generally included in the LGBTQ+ acronym, but that are equally important.*
Gender Identity: a person's innermost concept of self as male, female, a blend of both, or neither. A person's gender identity can be the same or different from the sex they were assigned at birth.
Gender Expression: a person's way of expressing their identified gender that is often conveyed through their behavior, mannerisms, clothing, haircut, make up, and voice.
Gender Pronouns: these are the pronouns we use to describe a person, in place of their name. Some examples of gender pronouns that we have all already used to describe ourselves or others are: she/her/her/herself (often used by individuals who might identify as girl/woman/female) he/him/his/himself (often used by individuals who might identify as boy/man/male). In the English language, when you don't know someone's name or gender, you've already been taught to use the pronouns they/them/theirs (ie: "could you give them their jacket back?" or "they told me that when we were driving.") For those who identify as both or neither of these genders, they may use the pronouns they/them/theirs. Additionally, these are the other pronouns a person could use: ze/hir/hirs, zie/zir/zirs, and xe/xem/xyrs.
Cisgender: a person who identifies with the sex and/or gender they were assigned at birth
Nonbinary: a person who doesn't identify exclusively as either male or female.
Gender Fluid: a person who does not identify with a single, fixed gender. They could identify as one, both, or none at different points in their life.
Genderqueer: a person who may reject notions of static categories of gender and/or sexuality who may see themself as both male and female, neither male nor female, or falling completing outside both of these categories.
Gender Non-Conforming: a person who does not behave or present in appearance in a way that is traditional to one gender.
Androgynous: a person who's identity and/or appearance is not obviously male or female.
Same Gender Loving: a person who is attracted to someone of the same gender identity.
Demisexual: a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone.
Panromantic: a person who is attracted romantically to any and all people, but not sexually.
Gray Asexuality or Gray Ace: a person who may only experience sexual attraction on occasion.
Gender Dysphoria: this is a clinical term that is used to label the feeling a person may have that the gender they were assigned at birth is not the same one(s) they identify as. In order to access Gender Affirming Healthcare, most insurances require Transgender people to have this diagnosis by a Mental Health Professional.
Transitioning or Gender Transition: the process a person goes through to more closely align their outer appearance and physical characteristics to that of a gender they identify as. This may or may not include: changing gender expression, names, pronouns (see below), vocal training, and physical operations.
Homophobia: the dislike, avoidance, fear, hatred, and/or prejudice against queer people. It is important to note that like all oppressions, this can be done overtly as well as covertly.
Internalized Homophobia: when a person who identifies their sexuality as something other than straight still has thoughts and/or feelings related to not accepting their sexual identity.
Transphobia: the dislike, avoidance, and/or prejudice against transgender people. Just as with homophobia, transphobia can be seen overtly as well as covertly.
Internalized Transphobia: when a person who identifies as transgender struggles with thoughts and/or feelings related to not accepting their gender identity.
Bierasure: the tendency to ignore, falsify, remove, or reexplain evidence of bisexuality in history, academia, the news media, and other primary sources. This is also done in personal lives by folks might identify as bisexual but negate or minimize their attraction towards male and female identified people, usually because they're in a heterosexual appearing relationship. In its most extreme form, bisexual erasure can include the belief that bisexuality does not exist.
Horizontal Oppression or Lateral Oppression: this is a type of oppression and marginalization that happens when a person of one minority status reinforces oppressive actions, beliefs, or systems towards someone else within the same or a different minority status.
To learn more about oppression as well as how to identify ways you can help those in your communities and others, I highly recommend the following trainer and text: https://beyondinclusionbeyondempowerment.com/
Heteronormative: the tendency of certain cultures and people within them to assume that people are straight or heterosexual and perpetuate the belief that being straight is the only normal or natural expression of sexuality.
Coming Out: the process in which a person acknowledges, accepts, and shares their sexual and/or gender identity with others. This is both something a person does on a large scale during a specific time frame (ie: "I've spent the last few months coming out to my friends and family") as well as something that LGBTQ+ people do on a daily basis when naming their identity, sexuality, or partner in conversation. Because of heteronormativity (see above), a person usually comes out many times over many years.
Out: a person who is comfortably out about their sexual orientation and/or gender identity when and where it feels safe and/or appropriate to them.
Outing: exposing someone else's LGBTQ+ status to others with or without their permission. Outing someone can have serious repercussions on employment, economic stability, safety, and community participation as people in the LGBTQ+ community are still legally and illegally discriminated against all over the world.
Closeted: a person who is aware of their sexual and/or gender identity but has not gone through or has only limitedly completed the coming out process to their friends, family, and communities. They may not disclose their sexual orientation or gender identity and/or avoid conversations about the topics, even when engaging in activities that "out" them.
*I have yet to find one single exhaustive list that goes through all of these definitions, so I'll do my best to briefly summarize my current understanding of the most widely discussed types of sexuality, genders, and related vocabulary. If you're interested in finding out more information on something I've defined here, I emphatically encourage you to do some more research to further your knowledge. Remember, terms and vocabulary are ever expanding and evolving. As more people continue to explore and embrace their gender and sexual identities, and more of the LGBTQ+ culture is brought to mainstream attention, people will continue to come up with new ways of defining themselves and their relationships. Further, each gender and sexual identity tend to have their own subculture with vernacular further specific to their experiences, so there's additional language evolution happening in subgroups that hasn't yet/doesn't always reach the overall LGBTQ+ culture. Learning about our cultures will always be a moving target, no matter how you identify.
This section last updated 2020